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  • Cindi Bright

The Pain of Comfort


There are two types of pain.  Pain that hurts us.  And pain that changes us. 

Most recently, I have experienced a deep pain from someone I love and who loved me.  This experience was, upon reflection, very profound for me, as I am able to see, at its deepest levels, how people allow fear to paralyze them and suppress them because it is easier and more comfortable to stay in the space of “comfort” and “familiarization” than it is to walk into something beautiful and different.  This experience has been really altering for me.    And it mirrors what is occurring in our country.  The truth is, the country has changed.  And the comfort level is what people are fighting to keep, but there is a really profound truth that I know.   That once you experience love at a very deep level, you are never the same.  People in our country are fighting for love.  Love will prevail in the end.

I entered a relationship with them very upfront and cautious about who I am and what I stood for.  I explained where my boundaries were and what I needed from that person in order to feel safe and vulnerable to them and open up my heart to receive love from them.  They, too, expressed how they desired love and worth.  They had lived the past decade.  Yes, decade, feeling numb and non-existent.  This person was very intentional on giving a lot of thought to their life and whether they were able and willing to have courage to step into change for their life.  Initially, they took those steps.  They looked at my soul and promised trust and truth.  That didn’t last long.  The circumstances of their life kicked into full gear.  The gears were, desperation, comfort, fear, and anger.  I believe there is a total lack of self-confidence and self worth, including fear of change happening at the broader level in their life.  There is beauty in seeing this because I am using this experience to see deeper into people.  Isn’t this the state of our country? 

I have spent so many years fighting for people and working to change their lives for them.  I have also pivoted and work to empower people to change their lives. I realized I couldn’t do it for them; this is a state of their heart and desire.  I watch the daily news and observing what many people, experience.  Women and people of color disproportionately experience harm, and these behaviors of others are being considered  “normal”.  I must speak my truth.  Those that create harm keep excusing and justifying their actions and decisions.   They inflict harm without conscience of their actions.  Truth be told, the actions of these men, or women who harm others, is a direct reflection of themselves.  Said different, you see in me, what exists in you.  If it's easy for you to harm me or blame me, what does that say about you? If you believe I am the crap, guess what? When you look at me and blame me for your life and your circumstances that is completely a reflection of your inability to see yourself and who you are, and how you show up in the world and impact other people.   These non-stop “victim blaming” stories are nothing short of pathetic.  Blaming someone else for what you have done or created is fear and desperation at its deepest level.   

I love people.  In all of their brokenness.  I will still give you the shirt off my back and open my home for you.  I will make you a fabulous dinner and open a great bottle of wine.  I will add you to my prayer list and pray for your happiness, more than my own.  In my own life, once you have entered my heart, you are forever there.  I pray for people daily.  I pray that this person finds their way to their truth.   Yes, go ahead and try to ignore this.  Truth is, once we experience love, we just cannot “undo” it.  It happened.  It’s happening in our country.   It’s happening all around us.  Love is love.   I pray for our country.  I pray that we, as a country, can find our way to heal and love other people.  Those of us fighting for love will continue to do so.  No actions anyone can take.  Not pushing us away, will achieve what you believe it will.  Because hearts are touched.  And that is something, no “external” action you take, can change.  It is only a matter of time until this truth is revealed.  It is being revealed across our nation.  

You see, when a flower doesn’t bloom, you change its environment, not the flower.  Desperate measures to push people away or diminish them are at many people’s core right now.  Persecuting them or reflecting them to be the wrongdoer when, in fact, the issue is you.  I stand in my truth for having integrity and standing tall for myself.  I am forever grateful for experiencing this brief moment of love that was pure.  I love all of you who read this, and stand for you too.

Happy Thanksgiving to you.  I am grateful. #fortheloveofpeople

There are two types of pain.  Pain that hurts us.  And pain that changes us.

I am forever changed.

With love

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